"Just tell them if you have personal problems inflicting on the work environment, they should leave the problems at the door or don't bother coming in."  Stage Manager consoles me through my tears after I send one of my assistants home for giving me 'tude at work.  I felt like a parent must after they punish their children for the first time.  The reason I am so perplexed is that she isn't a fussy teenage intern.  The moment I met this woman, who is only two years my junior, I felt she was light years beyond me in maturity and self-assuredness; her solid stance, peaceful nature, and general care and awareness for her surroundings did it.  And after asking her to leave for the day, I second-guessed myself a lot and it made the next few days of working together in our 8 x 10' "studio" pretty awkward.  

~

"Bring me a fucking coat," Director indicates during rehearsal a day before.  

I give him a blank stare, "What did he just say?  Did he just swear at me as I am busting my ass, standing at a sewing maching eight to twelve hours a day for his show?" I think.  

"Designer, can I have an overcoat as quickly as possible?" I went to get him a coat as quickly as possible then dropped it on the floor next to him, pissed.  

I go home that night thinking, "I don't get paid enough for this.  My credit doesn't read Bitch.  Maybe I should go back to Chicago.  Maybe I should tell him to shove it and see how he likes it.  But I go in to work the next day.  After I just can't take my anxiety over the unnecessary cursing, "Director, can I have a moment with you

 outside please?" my heart rate doubles at the thought of confronting him.  "If you need something for rehearsal, I just need to know what scenes you are rehearsing the next day," as the daily call doesn't always say.  

"Why are you telling me this, I haven't requested anything...if I need something I'll ask."

"Um well the whole thing about the coat yesterday, with Earnst, if I had known you were doing that scene..."

"Ooooh,  thaaaat, oh honey, that wasn't directed towards you, I was frustrated with the actor.  If ever I'm having problems I will do exactly what you did just now and tell you straight.  The rehearsal was going all wrong--that just happens, I directed my negative

 energy to the wrong person.  I noticed his eyes were curved and kind.

The following day Director discovers me by the loading dock breaking down to Stage Manager.  "Is there going to be a coat for Kost you know that type of billow...oh, oh my" he notices my misty eyes, "Are you OK?"  He gives me a hug.  

~

I always hated those graduation speeches that were like "It's not about the classes you take or the tests you take, or the curricula, it's about the people you meet."  

I always wanted to reply to those "Than why the hell did I fork out $35,000 a year (or whatever my percentage was) when I can meet cool people working in a coffee shop.  But maybe then I was feeling obligated to be antisocial because I wouldn't have gotten through college otherwise.  With one show opened, one on the way, living with my co-workers and sharing a way-too-small ski condo with a way-too-small refrigerator, I am experiencing anxiety over new relationships, admiration for those I originally detested, and working on a truly remarkable story with perfectly marvelous people.